4 min readJul 21, 2022


If I had any advice for those new in recovery, it would be to stay single if you are, and focus on yourself.

I am worried I might come off as judgmental, but none the less it's my first word of advice.

My main triggers in sobriety come from relationships with others and until I get through the current level of uncomfortableness, I feel with others I hesitate to make new friends.

This comes from being isolated to myself the last few years, I have had to take a step back in life and become someone I can truly trust again.

Referencing myself may seem weird to you but, when one goes through the hell of addiction we can turn into a demon like cryptid of our former selves. In my case I was an empty shell, numbed to the soul but caught in the oblivion that I can only describe as the true feeling of separation from God.

I also was grieving without realizing who exactly for until sometime in treatment and being in reality again.

Heartbreak is a trigger for myself and a lot of people I know. Growing up Native American I have seen the intergenerational effects of the residential schools in my own family, as well as the effects of domestic violence and intergenerational drug addiction.

I have also seen what attempting to heal trauma looks like and how individuals recover and reconnect with their tribes and families. I try this and as often as I think I am ready to reconnect I can't because the memories come back and the feelings of shame, loss and abandonment hit

I have had to let go of a lot of grudges that I held in my heart from mistreatment and also had my own hypocritical demons to get rid of, in my ear all the time telling me I was right and then later whispering how wrong I was, it was only though some therapy that I began to see whose voice was mine and how to change my life for the better.

Focusing on my daughters keep me busy during the day but, the nights get lonely for me. I don't have any friends that I talk to all the time, and mainly annoy my fiancé, but even with all the annoyance I know we love each other. Hypocrisy, eh? Since I mention staying single and recovery, I must be living alone with my cat and NA book on the bedside with a fluffy pillow to keep me company? No not the case I have braved a relationship and actually had to leave at one point to not destroy my life.

It was during the separation we both worked on ourselves before we could come together for our kids.